Finding my Spark

Who Am I and Why Am I Hiding in the Books? 🤔

You know those existential questions that hit you like a ton of bricks? Yeah, I've been wrestling with those lately - trying to figure out who I am and where I'm headed, like a GPS that's perpetually "recalculating".

Basically, I'm on this grand quest for happiness - you know, the usual suspects: family, home, and that ever-elusive "purpose in life" thing everyone keeps talking about. My own inner dialogue drives me crazy some days!

Then it hit me - I’ve got about 360 months left on this cosmic rollercoaster (hopefully more, but who's counting? Oh wait, I am!)

Just when I was deep in this existential rabbit hole, I stumbled upon this book titled "Sparked" by Jonathan Fields. And boom! Everything clicked. Turns out, I'm what Jonathan calls a Maven - basically a professional nerd who gets excited about going down Wikipedia wormholes at 3 AM.

And my shadow side? I'm The Scientist - aka the problem solver. Think of it as my day job personality wearing a lab coat. But it's my inner Maven that really gets me to my happiest place - give me a cup of tea, a good book, a cozy fire and complete silence and I'm happier than my dog Toast sprawled out on the library rug. Nothing can budge me from my reading nook. My anti-spark, perhaps the heaviest lift is the nurturer. Surprising as I managed to raise three boys and they don't seem to require therapy. Go figure! I think for myself as a parent, once they had grown past their need for my attention for food and shelter, my inner self began to rise to the surface begging to be let out.

If that nurturer needs to show up now in my work life, I find it really tough to avoid showing my displeasure on my face. It't the adult equivalent to " Mum please tie my shoelaces" and whilst I am brilliant at fixing a million loose ends, at the end of the day I'm spent. Leaving work and winding down has become the most important time of the day to leave the world behind and find my own quiet time. There's very little silence in life right now and perhaps that's why the days seem unsettled.

My own internal happy place, the one where I am at ease and fills me up makes so much for sense. These are the acts that I need to do more of, finding time to put those little joys back into the every day. Finding space again for my own self care. I don't feel nearly as guilty as I used to when I seek out quiet spots where theres time to think and plan, creating moments in the now. Sometimes, I'm too far ahead of myself in the future, and finding time to be in the moment, finding silence recharges the batteries.

I loved the process of learning what makes me tick, where I lean into and why some aspects of life are such a slog.

If ever you had that aching feeling that something was lost in you, this little book might be the read you need. This book has started the conversation about what future I should create for myself, the kind of work... or not, to seek out and making time for myself instead of the hustle that I've created. The intersection of what I'm good at, what makes me happy and where I can be of service. Big changes are on the way.

I come back to Sparked often, it's one of those books that you read again and again. Jonathon has a great podcast too. It's on rolling repeat in the car when I'm out driving through the hills 🫖📚

I think you will find yourself in between the pages.